Super Fantastic

It has been quite a while since I've updated this silly LiveJournal business! A lot has happened. Lost a best friend...the same one for the third time. I need to learn to quit knowingly associate myself with people like that. I quit caring about school, for the most part. I have a boyfriend. Matt is neat as far as I can tell. I will be graduating on Thursday. It's bittersweet. For so long I've been anticipating graduation. I'm excited, but scared...and kind of sad. I'm scared because I don't know what's to become of me. The loss of structure is something by which I am intimidated. I'm sad because I will miss Mrs. Duffy, Mrs. Wolff, Dorothy, Mr. Ihrig, Spanish Wrestling and other such nonsense, slide guides and music in Humanities, sitting in the lobby @ lunch time, being harrassed by and harrassing Louie in Spanish class, the way kids can sometimes be dumb in funny ways...not always just obnoxious life-wrecking ways, my friends, etc. Knowing that this could be the end of so many friendships makes my heart hurt. People will be leaving and as much as we say we will stay in touch, we won't. We will drift apart and it will make me sad. I will think back and wonder, "What ever happened to ____?" I don't want to have to wonder that about any of these people I love so much! NEVER! My eyes are watering now, just thinking about it. I've been thinking about Grandpa Al a lot lately. Well, I guess I think about him a lot most of the time, but still... I see these pictures of him, especially the ones of us together, and I feel a hollow aching inside myself. Everyone who's met my grandpa knows how wonderful he was. If you didn't ever get to meet him, I feel sorry for you. He was fantastic. I miss him so much. I hate that certain scents, sounds, etc. send me back to his hospital room where I watched him suffer and die. That wasn't my grandpa in the hospital. That was someone who had lost all hope and wanted to die. My grandpa was so full of life. He loved life and he loved all of the people in his life. He especially loved me. Hell, I got his last smile. He is one of the two people whose love for me I have never doubted. Grandma Lynda told me that I was their favorite. Shhhh....none of the other grandchildren are supposed to know. How did I get off on this? I made myself cry! DAMN ME! It's good that I miss him. If I didn't miss him this much, then that would mean I didn't love him as much as I know I did. Loving someone so unconditionally is definitely a good thing. So is being loved that unconditionally. I should shut up now before I make myself more sad!

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Home Grown

I'm gonna let you in on a few secrets of life....a hangover is not your friend....don't bite someone because they stole your circle while playing Twister (they may bite you back, but in the head, which sucks)....a cartoon that has a grandpa threatening a little boy to get him to behave by saying 'you'd better knock it off or I'm gonna send you to Michael Jackson's house' is funny no matter what your state of mind is...walls are a good form of support....and anything that tastes like black licorice/black jelly beans is okay by me!

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: Anything that's not very loud...

So I'm not gonna lie to you...I've had a Verbicide magazine for way too long without reading it, and it was old anyway when I got it before Christmas, 2003! I just didn't have time! Well, I read one of the first things in there recently and I loved it. It made me laugh and it really makes you think too. I'm gonna post it for you to read. It's a little bit long, but bear with me. And you must read it to the end! Even if it starts to piss you off, you have to reach the end to get his point. I promise you, it is worth it.

The Pledge of Unallegiance
By Kris Sevillena
Last year--July 5, 2001 to be exact,--in my local paper, The Commercial Leader of Lyndhurts, there was a letter in the editorial section that intrigued me. It was writteb by A Henri DesRochers, a veteran, and it was entitled, If the Flag Could Speak, it Might Say This:
"Some people call me Old Glory, others call me the Star Spangled Banner, but whatever they call me, I am your flag, the flag of the United States of America. Something has been bothering me, so I thought I might talk it over with you. I remember some time ago people lined up on both sides of the street to watch the parade and naturally, I was always there, proudly waving in the breeze. When your daddy saw me coming, he immediately removed his hat and placed it over his heart. Remember? And you, I remember you standing there straight as a soldier. you didn't have a hat but you were giving the right salute. Rmember your sister? Not to be outdone, she was saluting the same as you, with her hand over her heart. Remember? What happened? I'm still the same old flag. Oh, I have added a few stars since you were a boy, and a lot more blood has been shed since those parades of long ago. But I don't feel as proud as I used to. When I come down your street, you just stand there with your hands in your pockets. I may get a glance, but then you look away. I see the children running around and shouting. They don't seem to know who I am. I saw a man take off his hat and looking around, He didn't see anybody else with his hat off so he quickly put his back on. Is it a sin to be patriotic anymore? Have you forgotten what I stand for and where I've been? Anzio, Normandy, Omaha Beach, Guadalcanal, Korea, and Vietnam. Take a good look at the Memorial Honor Rolls some time. Look at the names of those who never came back in order to keep the Republic free. One Nation Under God. When you salute me, you are actually saluting them. Well, it won't be long until I'll be coming down your street again. So when you see me, stand straight, place your hand over your heart. I'll salute you waving back. And I'll know that you rememberd."
Isn't that precious? I actually wrote a response letter to it, as follows:
"This letter is in response to Commander A. Henri DesRochesr's letter entitled, If The Flag Could Speak, It Might Say This, printed in the Leader of Lyndhurts on July fifth in the editorial section. I am a 22-year-old American with my loyalty bound to the Constitution and the political philosophies of our founding fathers, but I do not share the same views that Commander DesRochers has of the flag. I salute those thirteen stripes, symbolizing those thirteen idealistic colonies whose politically groundpraking philosophies were articulated by Thomas Jefferson. I salute the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, which are represented by the flag. I salte the true nature of freedom and our break from a despotic monarchy. but I absolutely cannot salute the stars because most of them were acquired through a series of broken contracts and broken promises to the American Indian by the federal government. If I saluted those stars, I would salute the Louisiana Purchase, which was acquired from Napoleon during Jefferson's administration; ironically enough, which was not even his to sell. Each star symbolizes a part of America that was systematically and callously stolen from the American Indian. Do you know another person famous for stealing land? You guessed correctly, Adolf Hitler. But we stopped him. I may be a radical for saying this, but I do not salute criminal achievements, especially criminals who contradict the very philosophies that the Constitution dectates. But that's difficult for many so-called patriotic citizens to grasp since they gleefully pay for their Sunday afternoon milkshakes with the face of a racist Indian-killing genocidal maniac on the twenty-dollar bill. Many people who salute the flag do not even have a thorough understanding of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and American History. In essence, the demonstration of one's patriotism is not simply saluting a symbol; it's understanding the values your contry is based upon, and as a citizen, acting accordingly. Do you also want to keep your Republic free? It does not take a foreign war to do that. You have to read the Constitution and make sure your government strictly abides by it and does not contradict it, which it already has numerous times. Why? Because Americans place more emphasis on a symbol rather than what the symbol represents. The crux of my argument is that we, as a nation, misunderstand the true nature of patriotism and are blinded by icons and symbols."
So let me make my point clear: I despise patriotic Americans. These same people who profess faith in God will bow down and worship the symbol we call Old Glory and chastise or even kill anyone who doesn't bow down to their symbol. One time when I was in a deli in Manhattan, a scuffle ensued between a patriotic American and a foreigner at an ATM machine. Apparently, this big and tall and black patriotic American felt he should put this foreigner in his place for cutting in front of him by telling him how educated he was, that he was a doctor, and that the "immigrant should go back to his country." True patriotism right there. I've never felt so infuriated in my life. Emma Lazarus is turning over in her grave. (Here's a quiz, hotshot patriotic American: Who's Emma Lazarus?) Here's what the Uncle Tom said to the man: "I'm a doctor. I'm educated. Where are you educated? You probably don't even have an education. Go back to your contry, wherever you're from, you Pakistani." I said to the guy, "Hey, those aren't the words of an educated man." Among all the things I wanted to say to him, that was the least caustic of all. I wanted to call him an Uncle Tom so-and-so for using his education as a condescending approach toward a foreigner. That's a patriotic American for you.
But I digress. I was originally talking about the Christian pagans who worship and pledge allegiance to the American flag. Remember all those times when you mindlessly droned the Pledge of Allegiance in the morning during school? Did you remember first period gym when your gym teacher's jugular veins bulged out of his neck when you refused to say it? Well, don't worry. In the same Catholic spirit of mindlessly droning ten Hail Marys and five Our Fathers and falsely believing God has forgiven you, you still really haven't pledged allegiance to any republic, but you feel defiled somehow. Yes, yes, I understand the feeling. You feel like you've sould out your own values, through no fault of your own. The very public institution that taught you your American rights denied them to you from the start, so how do you expect to practice those rights outside of that very institution that taught you them? In truth, you still have not pledged it because pledging allegiance comes with the understanding that you know what you are pledging your allegiance to, which, like me, was never explained to me, so let's systematically dissect it. Here it is verbatim: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
The first line says, "I pledge allegiance to the flag." How do you pledge allegiance to a symbol? Many people will claim that people have died for the flag. Really? They died for a piece of cloth? Let's get down to brass tacks here: it's a piece of cloth. In the guise of foreign war, I'm sure that what the "powers that be" intended to say was that they died for American values and freedom, which is also the freedom to burn the flag. Still though, I'm not quite so sure how fighting a foreign war has been in defense of American values when, in fact, it has always been political and economic interests that have driven us to war, but that's another issue altogether. In the third line, it says "And to the republic for which it stands." So not only are you pledging allegiance to a symbol, you're pledging allegiance to the republic which stands for the United States of America. What if that republic violates your rights as dictated by the Constitution? Are we still under allegiance to it? The Constitution itself states, "when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security." When you pledge allegiance to the republic, you automatically become a traitor to a government even if it becomes despotic.
It's completely unfair that many of us haven't been allowed to dissect the meaning of these words. They were simply unculcated in your malleable young brains. From the very start, you're pledging allegiance to a symbol. Imagine that! A symbol! Icon worship is capable if blinding anyone to what symbols actually mean. It's the kind of pox that causes patriotic Americans to beat up immigrants. As these so-called patriotic Americans who wront the Declaration of Independence, and, not surprisingly, you'll get the wrong answer, if any answer at all. Ask them what the fourth amendment to the Constitution of the United States is, and they won't be able to tell you. In so many words, Oscar Wilde said, "Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious." I despise patriotic Americans. I truly do. And when I say patriotic, I'm talking about the people who can't even relate to you the history of the United States and don't even know their own rights, subsequently causing them to violently violate yours. I'm pro-America. I love America. But there's no way you're going to get me to pledge allegiance to a symbol. My allegiance belongs to the Constitution, and when the "republic for which it stands" fails to be consistent with it, it's my duty as an American to get it back in line. And I will fight any vicious dogmatic misguided patriot to the death who attacks me for my loyalty to the Constitution.
The following is what I call the "Pledge of Unallegiance." It's sort of a way to cleanse yourself of the hyporcisy you droned out of your mouth every morning during school: "I pledge unallegiance toe the symbol of the current United States government, which is also the republic that stands for a capitalistic imperialist economic state, above, yet strangely pro-God, divisible if the lumpenproletariet desires it, which liberty tailored to the vested interests, but justice will come."
To me, one who loves his or her country will ultimately be labeled as a traitor by so-called patriotic Americans, but we must be willing to become traitors to the Republic, just as our forefathers became traitors to the British Empire. This entails a responsibility to change our priorities: liberation becomes our desired end; our lives become the means. We must be as brave as our forefathers. They knew that by signing The Declaration of Independence they would die if their revolution failed. Just as history has proven our forefathers not as traitors but as revolutionaries when they signed their name on The Declaration of Independence, we too must become traitors to the Republic so that we may prove we are not traitors, but rather the sons of our forefathers, sons willing to give a middle finger much bolder than The Declaration of Independence to an empire that seems so powerful. Not only do Americans need to declare their betrayal to the republic, this betrayal needs to be motivated by shame for the actions of the republic; and it is our civic duty to accept the blame for their actions and our complacency, and have the fortitude to change it.

Now see, wasn't that good? Verbicide is neat. I heart independent zines.
And if there are lots of typos, I apologize. If you know how I type, you know it's fast, and I was not watching the screen, so I did not see errors when they arose. Deal with it. I've read the article twice now and don't really feel like going back through this posting to change errors I may have made. Deal with it. =P

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Toy Dolls

I leave this letter for you, my suspecting neighbor children. I am fading fast and want you to know who Old Lady Langer really was. I promise you, I’m not a witch as most of you have suspected. Just an elderly woman with a story to tell.
I was born on March 16th, 1987 to my parents Kim and Jeff, and given the name Caitlin Marie. A year and seven months into my life, I was joined by my brother Joseph. Joe and had our early childhood fun together in Savage, MN. A month and one week after my sixth birthday, our little sister Elizabeth joined us. She was quite a hand full.
When I was eight my parents decided to uproot us and move us to North Mankato. I was furious, but have come to be glad about this decision. My grandmother had fallen off of a horse and broken her back. My parents used this as another excuse for why we had to move here. We had to move into a dilapidated old house next door to my grandparents because we moved with such haste that we had no time to find any better place. Joe and I now had a ravine to play in and woods that never ended. My parents had planned on finding us a new house right away, but could never seem to come across just what they were looking for. Finally they decided we should build a house. We started building one toward the bottom of the hill right next to our current house, but then the city decided ‘they changed their minds’ and didn’t want to let us build there, so we had to start all over all the way on the top of the hill. My driveway became a quarter mile, uphill. I loved that house, though. I loved the privacy and open spaces. That’s a key part in the biggest move of my life, but I will save that for later.
I got through school all right. I never had many friends, so it left my time pretty wide open for my studies. I did well academically, but certainly was no Einstein. I’m not sure if you kids even know who Einstein is, anymore. If not, that’s really too bad. I’ll give you a quote of his. “Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.” He was a scientific genius, but a social handicap, not too much unlike myself. Anyway, after graduating from Mankato West High School, I attended Minnesota State University, Mankato. My parents thought I wouldn’t appreciate my education as much if I didn’t pay for it myself, so I told them that they’d better expect me to be around for a few more years because I was keeping my room and they were gonna buy my food, too! I majored in zoology and loved it. Biology was my passion. If I had stayed put, I may have become the greatest field biologist ever-a dream come true.
However, it was that fateful fourth year of college that I met the love of my life, Johnny. He was more than twice my age, so it was quite a scandal, but we did not care. I thought he was such a dreamboat! We were absurdly happy together and I couldn’t believe my luck. Someone actually loved me! It was incredible and more than I could have ever hoped for. I told myself, ‘maybe I won’t die all alone after all!’ We were married after two years and didn’t have any kids. I didn’t want any and he already had two with his former girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, a famous French model who he obviously left for me! We lived in bliss, coming and going as we pleased. We’d visit his house in France on a regular basis, and I’d travel with him to sets. He was, you see, and actor. They say the honeymoon must end at some point, but for us it never did....until the most painful night of my life. It was a cold Minnesota winter’s night that my heart was shattered. Johnny died on the night of January 20th, 2020. Johnny had been a smoker and the bad habit finally caught up with him at the young age of 57. I was so devastated that I knew I couldn’t stay here in Mankato.
I packed up, took my inheritance, which was money I hardly wanted to hold on to, as it only reminded me of my dear Johnny, and moved out west to Montana. I found a mountain buried deep within a range and built myself a quaint little hot pink log cabin half-way up. I brought my four cats and Clydesdale, Cherish with me for company. Soon my cats grew to a number far more substantial than four because my babes would go out for a hunt and would often bring a stray back with them. How they found strays in the mountains is beyond me! Anyway, we lived in peace, except for the pain in my heart, for a year and a half. Then one day I noticed some activity one mountain over. I went to investigate and learned that Elton John had decided that he too needed some seclusion and was to live there. I was ecstatic. I could finally have some human company if I wanted it, but, of course in the mountains you’re far enough apart that you don’t have to ever see each other if you don’t want to. Elton and I soon became very close friends. Every now and then I’d run out of sugar and have to borrow a cup from Elton. The sugar would always be used to make chocolate chip cookies. To thank Elton for letting me have such free access to his sugar, I’d take him some of the cookies. We’d sit there eating cookies, drinking our given beverages (I was partial to milk, he liked tea) and talking. Then he’d let me rummage through his closet and play ‘dress-up.’ You see, the kid in me never died. I tell you kids, if you do not know who Elton John was, you must research him now. You don’t know what you’re missing out on. I know he will seem entirely outdated to you, but he was outdated to most of my peers, and I still adored him. It takes you no time at all anymore to find any desired information on any given person, so utilize that ability.
My next big heart break was when my best friend, Elton, died. It was August 26th, 2035. He was an old man and it was just his time to go. He had refused the medicine that can now make man practically immortal. We both held the belief that life is not something that should go on forever.
I decided I could no longer live on my mountain, staring at Elton’s empty house, with me all alone again. I made a spur of the moment decision to move back to Mankato. I packed everything back up and headed home. I knew that if I was going to be forced to rejoin civilization, I was at least going to have some fun of it! I bought a big house with a barn, where my many cats could roam freely, my horse could have its own huge paddock, and I could wait out the days ‘til I became at least 12 years older. I was only 48 at the time, and knew that such a young age (especially by today’s standards) would not be conducive to my plans.
When I knew I was finally old enough, I sold my house and my beloved Cherish. I moved into a rickety old house that was small and broken-down enough to be creepy, but not too cramped that my cats couldn’t handle all being in there together. My plan was in phase one. I was too be the old lady with too many cats. I made sure to be as reclusive as possible, so people might question my sanity. I soon became the crazy old lady with too many cats. Phase two complete. My ultimate goal was to have kids dare each other to run up and touch my front door, and to have people be too frightened to walk in front of my house, so they’d cross the street before continuing on their way. It took me only two years to accomplish phase three. I would sit in my upstairs window and laugh at the silly people. After five years I’d become Old Lady Langer, the local witch. This was, of course, false, but the imaginations of children and adults alike should not, and cannot, (easily) be stifled.
I have lived my life as such for the past fifteen years. The solitude has worn my health thin and that is how we come to the present. It is July 8th, 2062. I’m 75 years old, and that is quite old enough for me. I will be letting go soon, and don’t wish to spoil your fun, but I wanted you to know the real story of my life. It did not entail witchcraft, nor any evil doings. I just wanted to be happy, but was broken more than once, so being alone became my next best option. If you don’t get close to someone, you can’t be hurt by them. Don’t you ever get that same idea in your head. You need people. You need to love and be loved.
This letter must now come to a close, as my frail body is growing very tired. Good day, and good life to you. Never lose sight of what’s important.

Nothing too deep today. Just here to say EIGHT DAYS BIZZNATCH!!!!! That's right. March 16th is my 18th birthday. If you forget about me, I will eat your eyeballs straight from your head, so you'd better remember for once!!! I'm so pumped, but know I will be disappointed. Whatever. I get tattoos whenever I want after next Wednesday, so it's all good...or something. Maybe some hott tattooed dude will fall for me. Some swimmer guy fell for me in my dream last night, but then I woke up because my cat was throwing a fit for no good reason, and it pissed me off. Boys don't talk to me in real life unless they're gay or need to ask a question about school or something. It sucks. Why did Griffey have to go and ruin my blissful dream?!?! Ugh. Whatever...one day...one day. Unless, that is, I fulfill my futurism autobiography. I will just post that in another post. It's awesome, in a totally depressing and highly unlikely sort of way. But yeah, GO EAT A COCKROACH! That's right. I went there. I'm gonna go sew sequins onto my face and design tattoos (the first part, I'm lying, in case you thought I was for real). DEAL WITH IT! Then I have lots of homework...and, sadly, I'LL be the one who has to deal with that. Oh the sad things that own my life. I'm gonna bomb an AP Chem test tomorrow. Whatever. School is overrated and I hate it.

Current Mood: Random
Current Music: Unwritten Law is in my CD player @ the moment

Credit for my new icon goes to Miss Talia Lila McLouth!

Here's another sexxay pic for your viewing pleasure.  This is from my choice shoot for photography.  This is such an awesome shot.  Are they really making out...?  I'll leave that for you to decide.  ;-)

I dunno why it's sorta green.  I'll have to re-scan it or something.  Poopyness.  If you wanna see the real photo, I'm using it as one of my alternative methods shots.  I think I might bring out the blueness of James' (my) dress.  Woo!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Marilyn to the Manson...beeyatch.

I feel so hopeless right now. I hate it. I need to turn someone for comfort, but don't know to whom I should go. I feel like my best friend is getting annoyed with me, so I'm trying to give her space and not be a pest, so I don't know if I can turn there. Then, of course, I had a falling out with my other best friend and that's never any good, and makes me feel like I'm a bad person for letting that happen. Other than that, I don't know what options would be open. Anyone willing to listen to me cry about my grandpa? That's really what's hurting me the worst right now. I just keep picturing myself at his funeral, but I can't make myself believe that'll ever be real. Of course doing so makes me cry, because I know it's coming, but I just can't accept that. HE CAN'T DIE! He just can't. He's always been there for me, and I can't handle him being gone. I can't handle not getting to call him and hear his voice and tell him I love him. I can do that now, still, but I'm not going to be able to soon. My mom said the other day that he's probably not gonna live much past Christmas because he's not getting any more treatment, and that this will be my last Christmas with him. It hurts so much. I just don't know what to do. The worst part is that there's nothing I CAN do. He's gonna die anyway, regardless. It's just so hard to fathom, though. My whole life I have started crying when I thought about the fact that one day Grandma Lynda and Grandpa Al would be gone, and now that Grandpa's almost gone, it's ten million times worse, because it's reality. He's in so much pain, too. Just knowing that makes me hurt. He's been in so much pain and constantly sick for a year and a half now and he doesn't deserve it. He is just too kind of a person to have to suffer like that. He can no longer do any of the things he really loves, because he doesn't have the energy and constantly aches and hurts. I can only imagine how scared he is. More scared than I, and that makes me feel worse, too. Because I know that I am absolutely terrified, so I can't even guess how he has to be feeling. Okay, I'm crying now and to admit that makes me feel stupid, but whatever. It's the truth. I need to go try to push it out of my mind and do homework. If you have a free shoulder, let me know.

Current Mood: SUPER sad

Thursday is writing your life story!you're more
concerned with the bigger issues of life rather
than high school drama. this is all well and
good, but don't get so caught up in your
figurative language that it seems like you're
speaking Nepalese. like that's a language.


Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Jude - No One is Really Beautiful

I think I have arthritis or something. I don't know, but my joints in my fingers hurt a LOT! Jeepers! I must be gettin' old! :P Soooo I have some awesome pictures that I need to get up, but photo bucket won't let me get in there until Dec. 1st, so you will just have to wait. The only other person who knows the people in the pictures is Talia, and she's already seen them, but even if you don't know these guys, the pictures are awesome. Especially James (Lila's boyfriend) in makeup, looking terrified, while Noel is holding him down in the chair. Good times we have over @ Apt. 3! Speaking of Noel...that kid frustrates me. I hope he realizes he's an ass for saying that the reason he blew me off was because I don't talk enough. I have been talking directly to him lately, looking him straight in the eye, and not being super duper shy. Shows him!! I can only wish he has figured out that he was soooo wrong and was dumb to give such a laaaaaaaaaaaaame reason! Boys stink, but that's all right. If I wasn't so straight, I'd go lesbian. Too bad I have no attraction whatsoever to females. It's all good, I'm just gonna become a hermit. Or I'll be the crazy old lady with too many cats and kids will dare each other to run up and touch my door, and on their way home from school they will book it past my house because they'll be too scared to just walk. HAAHAHAHAAAA!!! Naw, I'm just kidding. I hope I stay sane. Today my mom was saying horrible things like, "Grandpa's not gonna be around too much past Christmas" and she made me almost cry in the mall. It sucked. I don't know how I am ever gonna survive without Grandpa Al. My life is actually inconceivable without him and Grandma Lynda in it. They've been my only constant in life, always telling me that I am a good, wonderful, beautiful, and capable person. Not even my parents ever told me those things. Hmm... Anyway, I am just sounding like a depressed fool. My crazy ass Grandma Sippi is gonna be here Monday, apparently. Soooo...anyone wanna chill Monday after school until, oh, I don't know...bed time?!?! I'm totally not looking forward to her visit. She always stresses me out because she's so insanely prejudiced and she's mean to me. More so than I'm used to dealing with on a daily basis!!
So today I went shopping super early (my mom woke me up @ 10 to 5) and it was crazy. We went to Kohl's first 'cause she wanted to buy a roaster for my graduation. The housewares/domestics lead, Michelle, got pissed at me. Oh well. She'll get over it. Then we went to Wal-Mart, where my mom proceeded to discover that $900 was missing from her purse! Thankfully she had just left it in my aunt's office last night. We thought it had been stolen and I could not get past how dumb my mom was to have that money in her purse and not have it even zipped up. She would have given away a horse AND a saddle if that money had disappeared! After that we went to the mall, which was a relatively short-lived trip. We were home by about 10. Then I had to help put up the snow fences, which is never any fun. Especially because they always seem to pick a rainy, yucky day to do it. Grawr. Finally I got my nap in, woke up @ about 2:30, sat around a bit, then went to work. Work is never much fun, but we actually got out waaaay earlier than I thought we would. Lila's mom said that I'd be there 'til 1 am cleaning things up, but by 11:15, we were outta there! Too bad I forgot my Nerf guns that I bought... =(
I need to update this way more, because I just write too much when I don't. I have not even covered most of what's been happening, but that's not important. This is too long as it is. I'm gonna go take a shower and be cool now. 2 kewl 4 skewl! Anyone want to accompany me to the Something Corporate show on Jan 19? That would be rad in a half shell. Let me know.

Current Mood: and slightly depressed
Current Music: CHRISTMAS MUSIC, YOU FOOL!

So Krista T had this awesome link in her info and I went to it and discovered that some of the things I'm scared of are actually clinically titled phobias!  Woo!  I'm gonna make a list of mine (some have multiple names...for the most part I just listed the first one I found).  I'll leave the link, too.  Let me know what yours are!

Acrophobia - Fear of heights
Aeroachrophobia - Fear of open high places
Agateophobia - Fear of insanity
Agraphobia - Fear of sexual abuse
Albuminurophobic - Fear of kidney disease (I have this fear for obvious reasons...)
Anablephobic - Fear of looking up (I don't have this any more, but I did when I was little.  It was bad.)
Bathophobic - Fear of depth (Most specifically, in water...I'm afraid I won't get back to the surface.)
Brontophobia - Fear of thunder and lightning
Cancerophobia - Fear of cancer
Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed
Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia - Fear of being locked in an enclosed place (Lila can attest to this!  Four words...Pitch Black Revolving Door!)
Gerascophobia - Fear of growing old
Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes
Lyssophobia - Fear of rabies or of becoming mad  (2nd one...I'm afraid I'm crazy like my Grandma Sippi, but I just don't realize it.  It's terrifying.)
Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple (Not really...I just don't like purple and thought this was kind of a funny phobia!)
Social Phobia - Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others
Thanatophobia - Fear of death or dying
Virginitiphobia - Fear of rape

Okay...well, now you know my phobias!  There are some others, but those are not for everyone to know, because not everyone would understand.  If you're curious as to the nature of the others, ask me.  I just might tell!  Now you go and find your phobias!!!   Phobia List

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Phantom Planet

Soooo!! This weekend was AMAZING!!! Thursday, Lila called me @ about 2:30 ('cause she couldn't get a ride from her dad =P) and we went over to visit James for a while. When he had to leave for work, she and I went to her house to pick up some stuff of hers, etc. Before we left she looked up some stuff that was very disturbing. I will not elaborate, but I will never look @ Genie the same. =( We went to my house and ate some granola bars, put PhotoShop onto my comp, and waited for Matt to call. When he did I told him to come over to my house, and in the mean time she and I fiddled around on PhotoShop with some of my senior pix. After Mateo arrived we drove to Pagliais, but there was not even one open seat. Plan B turned into going up to Godfather's, picking up a pizza, breadsticks, and really crappy Monkey Bread (you've not had Monkey Bread 'til you've tried my aunt's). We came back to my place to watch Cry Baby. Matt was being creepy and kept falling and lying on top of me and doing everything in his power to creep me out. It was working....very well. He ended up being late to go see a movie with his girlfriend, even though I was telling him to leave when he still had time to get there. After he left Lila and I decided to go visit Nanner. She bought him some juice, bananas, and mix to make banana pops. He was surprised to see us, but we just made food and crap and then sat around, and had a good time. We thought it would be awkward, but it wasn't. We left shortly after James got home from work. My dog ate the pizza that we left lying around 'cause Joe didn't shut the door like I asked him to, if he came up from the basement and there was still food lying down there. Friday we chilled until we had to go pick up our paychecks then go get Joe and James and head to Inta' Juice. It was amazing. Nanner missed his class, but it was okay. At 4 I worked Lila's shift for her. Shoes sucks. After work I went over to her house, ate some more granola bars that I'd brought with, and we waited for James to call my phone. I was upstairs changing when he did. He and Nanner came over to be our subjects for our night shoot, which I hope turned out. We shall find out when I head to school here soon. They played around with some of my glow necklaces, and it was a good time. Then they went home so James could get drunk. Lila and I didn't end up going to bed 'til about 4 'cause we were watching the 100 scariest movie moments or something. I woke up about 9, happy that it was finally GOOD CHARLOTTE DAY!!!!! I bought her ticket, because she was awesome enough to come with me, and sadly she got a balcony ticket, then I called in sick to work. I was told to bring a doctor's note in. We got some money from James, for half of her ticket, which was one of her birthday gifts from him...his room smelled soooo badly like alcohol. Lila and I both took short naps later @ my house. At about 4ish we left to head for the 'cities. It was a good time. The concert was...wow...I can't even describe it. It was soooo amazing. I was front and center, about three or four people back (it fluctuated) for all of Sum 41 and GC. WOW! GC's set moved me so much I felt like my heart was going to burst. Their stage set-up was so elaborate and awesome beyond belief. I swear I totally made eye contact with Joel! He didn't move his eyes for a good thirty seconds and I was the only one in my general vicinity with my hand in the air @ the time ('cause everyone else is a weenie and only put their hands in the air when someone would come in front of them, right near the edge of the stage). I may be imagining things, but whatever. Let me live in my fantasy world. Billy looked SOOOOOOOOOOOO freaking foxxy!! He got a hair cut, and let's just say, pin stripes look hott on him. Mmm....! I could go on forever about that show, but I need to get going to school, so I must finish this up. Lila and I both missed a couple of signs on the way home so ended up having to come home through Fairibault, but it's okay 'cause it didn't really add time to the trip. I dropped her off, and it was officially her birthday. I went home, went to bed, and had to wake up @ 8:30 (I didn't get to bed 'til later than about 2:30, I think) to go to work. Can you say sore?!?! Lila stopped by @ about 2 and I gave her the gifts I'd decided on for her birthday. Lunch money and strawberries! After work I came home, changed really quick, then went to my grandparents' house (my good grandparents). I didn't get home 'til after midnight, so none of my homework got done. Oh well. Sunday was my boring day, but all-in-all the weekend was amazing. Wow this entry is long....

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: MxPx-Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo

Do you ever have those periods of time where you just get down, can't stand people, and feel like everyone hates you?? Yeah, well I'm in one of those ruts right now, and it blows. I think I just have too much on my mind and pretty soon my head and heart are gonna explode if I don't get some respite. Grawr.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Good Charlotte

This morning my Grandma Lynda called us from Branson, which struck me as odd, seeing as it was about 9am, and I had no idea why she'd be calling us while on vacation anyway. She wanted to talk to my mom, so I went, woke my mom up, then handed her the phone. I felt like something was wrong, but I shrugged it off and went back upstairs to read and hopefully fall asleep for a while longer. When I woke up @ 11 I went downstairs and into the kitchen. My mom was standing with her back to me and asked, "Did Grandma tell you why she was calling?" I told her no, she didn't, then asked why. She said, trying to not cry, "The cancer has spread." (My grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last summer) I couldn't say anything for a minute and then managed, "To where?" She told me it's gone to his liver and lungs, and they aren't going to be doing anymore chemo or radiation therapies. I cried so hard. I tried to call Talia and she wasn't awake, so I lay there for a while longer then decided I'd go to Kat's house and wait for her to get done with her ACTs, 'cause she's met my grandpa and knows how wonderful he is. Well, on my way there, Talia called my cell and while I was talking to her I couldn't see very well 'cause I was crying and it was raining. A squirrel ran out in front of my car and I almost hit it, but luckily did not. That would have shattered me. I ended up going to Lila's house for a while and cried some more, then we just talked. After that I went to Kat's to get my calculator, but couldn't find anyone, so I went home and slept some more. All day I've been rather emotional, tearing up @ everything. Watching The Discovery Health Channel did not help. I feel all broken inside. I don't know what I'll ever do without my Grandpa Al, and we don't know how long he has left. My Grandma Lynda and Grandpa Al have been such a HUGE part of my life since the minute I was born. They have always been the only people who never put me down and only told me that I was wonderful and a beautiful person. They truly believe in me and I'd be nowhere without them, and I don't know how I'll go anywhere further if either of them is gone. I'm so scared. I have to go to work now. Hopefully I don't start crying in the rugs or something...

Current Mood: sad

Hmm...I thought I was just signing up for this so I could read Lila's entries, but I decided that maybe I'd start putting crap in here. I don't know that I'll do it often, but whatever. It's all good. This entry is here to say I HEART LILA! She rocks the house down to the ground. She doesn't get fed up with me if I get tired and grouchy, or tired and obnoxious. Lila does not treat me like I'm a doormat, at her disposal. Even when we're hanging out with James, I'm not second best, and that rules. The long and short of it? Lila is awesome.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Riddlin' Kids